You're doing a great job

Ah, ambition. We Brits tend to find it quite confusing and confounding, where our American friends on the other hand, are more inclined to see it as a good thing- to be praised and to be excited about. For some reason, here, it feels a bit… much. And maybe a bit gauche.

Let's break this down:

1. Clarity is kindness (and crucial). If you are certain you can't promote him into the role he's eyeing, or within the timeframe he expects, that's absolutely fine- but you probably need to be really explicit about that. And yes, also be explicit about a realistic timeline or the conditions under which promotion could be a possibility. He needs to understand the landscape.

2. The "How To", not just the "No". I can imagine you're concerned that being direct will put him off, or make him feel like his aspirations are dead in the water. Try to help him understand the needs of the business and how he can align his ambitions (and development) to the ambitions of your organisation. As a general rule, I never just tell someone "no, you can't get promoted" when they ask. What I do is work out exactly what steps they'd have to take to get there. Even if it's a three-year plan and I need to see 500 different things, I think it's really important to take the time to say "This is exactly what I would need you to do in order to give you what you're asking me for." The answer should never be a flat "No" to more rope, but it can, and should, help them identify what the rope looks like for them.

3. Feedback on behaviour, not ambition. It's interesting to me that you've used the word "ambition" here, as it's likely not just his ambition that's the problem. Is he exhibiting behaviours that feel more like overconfidence, pride, or ego? And is that the core behaviour you're actually finding frustrating? If so, give him feedback around the specific behaviours that you're finding annoying. You've described "obsession"- what is it that's obsessive about his behaviour? Is it that he's asked you four times this month when he's going to get promoted? In which case, you probably need to be even more explicit that it's not happening imminently and that the repeated questioning is becoming counterproductive.

4. A little empathy helps. Finally, try not to be too hard on him. If you are ambitious in the workplace, you can sometimes feel like you're the only one pushing. Ultimately, someone that's ambitious is likely to be super-engaged at work, and you don't want to lose that spark entirely.

It's about channelling that energy, not extinguishing it. Good luck!

One of my favourite things about talking to junior people in organisations is they seem to think it's always more fun at the top. They look at the big meetings you've just come out of and think, "Wow, wouldn't it be so exciting for me to be in that!" Then, as soon as you're actually in that meeting, you realise that they are, in fact, just as boring as the meetings you've come from, and often with fewer tangible outcomes. And as outcomes become rarer, so too does direct praise.

I'd like to tell you that you can still get hi-fives every day, and Slack messages with clapping emojis just to tell you how great you are- but that is not the reality. So, what to do?

1. Find your own cheerleaders. My advice to you is to find somewhere where you do get the high-fives. An outlet- a person, a group- that provides genuine validation for the work that you're doing. It might be that you just have that one trusted work friend (or real-life friend) that you WhatsApp every time something good happens at work, so you can have the joy of the excitement of telling someone else, and they can be your "well done."

2. Ask for what you need (carefully). You might decide that you do need to tell your manager that you are really motivated by public (or private!) displays of gratitude or acknowledgement. Frame it around what helps you perform best: "I've realised that getting specific positive feedback really helps motivate me and understand when I'm on the right track. Would it be possible to get more of that when things are going well?"

3. Self-recognition is a skill. It's also about learning to recognise your own achievements and give yourself that internal well-done. It's not the same, I know- but it helps.

Either way, it's great that you've noticed this is what you need in order to feel motivated in the workplace, as it's actually super accessible for you- you just need to know where to look! Best of luck to you, and just in case you don't hear it from anyone else today: you're doing a great job.