You can't sit with us

This is rotten- and its great that you’ve recognised there’s an impact of the team all being seen this way. It's a tricky situation, but totally manageable. The key here is balance. Think about the behaviours that might reinforce that clique vibe. Ask yourself, which ones are really necessary for your work and which ones you can let go without causing a stir? It's about figuring out what's true to you.

For example, if its about all sitting on the same desks each day, suggest that you need to mix it up a bit. Its a subtle way of signalling you can be seen as someone who is happy to be flexible (cliques LOVE habit; think “On Wednesdays we wear pink”; trying to break up the exclusionary habits will really help).

It might be a good idea to chat with your manager or someone in the group you trust. Let them know how you're feeling and your desire to be more inclusive. Remember, the goal here is to maintain your integrity. Cliques might come and go, but your professional reputation is yours for the long haul.

I think part of the issue here is that we can all remember what it feels like to feel outside of a clique- and it sucks. There’s also the implicit reputational damage for you if you are a) seen as part of it and b) unable to fix it. There are two options here- either they know they are doing this, and don’t think there’s an impact or they don’t realise this is even happening.

I always come back to the way of delivering feedback of SBI (Situation, Behaviour, Impact)- I would suggest that you do this in a 1:1 setting; whilst you know they will absolutely tell each other you’ve had the conversation- they need to know you aren’t treating any of them differently.

Here’s a go at what I’d say:

Situation: "In recent weeks, there have been several instances where team interactions have led to some members feeling marginalized or targeted. I’ve been told by a few people that there is a general feeling that you are talking about people a lot"

Behaviour: "Certain behaviours, such as gossiping about colleagues and creating an environment where others feel unwelcome or singled out, are what is being described"

Impact: "The impact of these actions is two fold- people are untrusting of our team, and there is also more than one individual who are very upset by feeling excluded. These things will start to have an impact on teams wanting to work with us, but also have an impact on your personal reputation too."

I'd suggest having a heart-to-heart with them—encourage them to see how their actions come across and the broader impact it's having. Suggest some team-building activities to help shift the dynamic to something more positive and inclusive. It's all about creating a space where everyone's on the same page and motivated to lift each other up. With a bit of open communication and a nudge in the right direction, things can definitely get back on track. I would also note- if people are crying about it, its pretty serious and workplace bullying shouldn’t be tolerated; if you need to, don’t hesitate to get HR involved.