Tolerance for the bridesmaids of the future

Play the long game and be helpful.

Someone once told me to not worry for more than five minutes about something that you won't think about in more than five years. So my first bit of advice is- think about how important this really is to you. Really think. You need to think about whether you genuinely care about the outcome more than any relationships you may damage- just sense check that you definitely want to pitch in on this one.

Let's say you've decided it's worth going to bat on. I'm sad to hear you're in an organisation that doesn't welcome feedback from all levels- so here's some tips on how to be delicately impactful.

Put yourself in their shoes. Senior leaders do NOT like to be surprised, embarrassed, or made to feel like they've lost control. Make sure whatever you're saying doesn't sound like challenge, but rather genuinely interested or curious- and pick your setting.

Align first, then challenge. Start by saying what you do agree with... and work up to what you don't.

Ask decent questions. Ideally, over the course of the conversation, they will come to their own conclusion- and that will happen to be the same as yours. Ask enough questions and it will be clear that you have worked out something they haven't- just make your questions smart.

Offer a genuinely decent alternative. If you really hate the idea, you better be darn sure you've got an alternative to offer instead. It could be as simple as "why don't we test this in one region", or "I've found an alternative supplier who is interested in demonstrating their approach to this problem".

Disagree, have backbone, and commit. This is my favourite Amazon behaviour and one I think shows real strength of character. Let's say you do all these things, and the answer is still no- it's no longer on you. It's time to win the relationship not the argument- and that means fully committing to the idea that has been presented, regardless of how you feel about it. The commitment is what will win you the trust in the long run.

P.S. Even if they ignore it all and it goes absolutely bottoms up- it's never okay to say I told you so.

My boss once told me to make myself 'indispensable' and I remember thinking... what a useless yardstick.

But as I've developed, I've realised that the real value in your role is the stuff that can't be written down... and knowing what that is is, in and of itself, indispensable. And do you know what- you can absolutely write a scorecard for the game that you create.

Senior roles often look like air traffic control: the plane didn't crash, the passengers arrived safely- and no one saw you directing everything from the tower. Measuring impact in these roles means looking beyond traditional metrics and building a more nuanced definition of success. Here's how:

1. Track your 'invisible wins'. Start a private "Impact Log"- one note per week where you capture any way you added value, be it tangible or intangible. Here's some examples:

- A conflict you de-escalated

- A person you influenced

- A risk you avoided

- A process you improved quietly

These wins don't show up in dashboards- but they matter. Collect them consistently, and you'll start seeing a pattern of leadership value. And perhaps most importantly, you'll have something to look at when it comes to review time.

2. Get upstream with outcomes. Ask your boss or key stakeholders:

- "What does success look like for you in six months?"

- "How will you know I've done a good job in this role?"

If they can't answer, co-create the answer with them. It's better to shape expectations than to guess at them.

3. Redefine what 'measurable' means. Success isn't always numerical. Here are some high-trust indicators:

- You're the person they call when something delicate comes up

- Other leaders ask your opinion before making decisions

- People say, "things just run better when you're involved"

Those aren't soft skills. They're executive signals.

If your work is invisible, that's also on you- I'm not saying you need to down a plane, but helping people understand what happens when you're not in the tower is really valuable for everyone. Find ways to make it clear what happens when you go on holiday, what your team require of you, and that what you're doing matters.

And if it feels like it doesn't... find a way to change it.