1) Stay human. Once, a boss that I used to work with called me up, just to pull me in to help with a firing. She said “I’ve made myself sick over this end of probation meeting, I just can’t do it and I need you to”. To me, she was saying 'this feels too awful, and I wish I was stronger but I’m not'. But my response wasn’t 'toughen up'. It was 'if this stops feeling awful, you’ve stopped being a good leader'.
There is an infamous LinkedIn post criticising a guy who was crying after firing his whole team. It wicked me off for countless reasons, but not least because the story demonstrates a very human response to a terrible thing. Have some heart and be human- put yourself in their shoes for five minutes, and see if that changes how you feel. If you still have to deliver the bad news, your next job is working out the best way.
2) Leave no room for ambiguity. When doctors are taught to deliver bad news, the first lesson is 'tell them they are dead'. It sounds harsh, but even the best intentioned euphemisms and analogies are misplaced when someone is going through the worst moment of their lives. Be crystal clear- if someone is losing their job, don’t skirt around it and say 'we are considering your employment option'. Instead, say 'you will no longer be employed with us, effective immediately'. It helps no one to beat around the bush, or have them guess where your mind is at- it leaves the chance for them to get to the conclusion before you do, or worse, gives them hope where there isn’t any.
3) Ask them to say it back. "Can you just confirm to me what you’ve understood from today?". This can feel so weird as an adult- but it is one of the most powerful communication tools we have. It confirms understanding is mutual, and gives you an opportunity to fill in any remaining gaps.
4) Mirror, signal, manoeuvre. You don’t need to punch someone in the face to let them know bad things are coming. Think about that Teams message from my boss on Monday- the ping gave me about three minutes to compose myself before I called him. I knew it would be bad, but I didn’t know what. I opened the call with a “this sounds ominous” and he said “Yep, it is”. It helps everyone get on the same page. Just don't do signal months away for an event in the distant future- a meeting in the diary a week away titled 'Reorganisation updates' is going to guarantee no one does work for a week. But equally, a no-intro Teams call at 4PM on a Friday isn’t the way to go either. Never be afraid to ask “Is now a good time?”.
Likewise, beware of brewing anxiety- this week I needed to speak to someone in the team about an expenses issue. It wasn’t a big deal, but I am one of the most senior people in the company and the de facto head of HR- and I need the team to know that when I say “Hey, are you free for a chat?”, it probably isn’t for me to call to talk about Taylor’s latest album.
5) Give as much information as you reasonably can, and be clear if that is all the information you have. If I tell you that from Monday, everyone needs to wear pink in the office- your first question is rightly going to be “Why?”. If you’re making big changes to someone’s circumstances, be ready to give your reasoning. It really doesn’t matter if there is no good reason- but it really does matter if you don’t bother to make one up.
Notice the difference between:
'You will wear pink to the office every Monday.'
and
'I’d like everyone to start wearing pink on a Monday. I’ve noticed that most of our clients have a preference for pink, and given the majority of client meetings happen that day, it seems like an easy win for us- so embrace it and wear pink. I recognise this will be a change for some of you- but you’ll have four weeks to get ready for the change and prepare your wardrobes. I have set aside a budget of £100/pp to buy appropriate pink wear and am also flexible as to the shade of pink that you wear. To be clear, this is a mandatory policy for everyone- I’ve attached an FAQ to this email to explain a bit more and make the transition as easy as possible. In sum, us working together on this is going to lead to better outcomes for us all- both internally and externally. This policy will be reviewed in six months, but until then it won’t be changing.'