Piggy in the middle

This reflects well on nobody. You will get caught out for being in the middle, they look like children fighting, and management will be getting annoyed that things aren’t happening because of it. A lose/lose/lose. Step one is to step out of it. You are responsible for your direct report and their behaviour—you need to let them know the impact of their disagreement.

Try some coaching questions with them. “What do you think the right resolution is here?” “What do you think we should do to move forward in this?” “Are you seeking to make a formal complaint?”—and when they inevitably say no, you can ask “Okay, so what is the right next step?”.

Step two is stopping keeping it a secret. It sounds like you have may have a dolphin/yellow/peacekeeper personality profile, so you are trying to help solve things. That’s not your role. These people are adults—you can encourage them to speak to each other, but if you keep letting them vent to you, nothing will progress. Be open and then you can’t get caught out taking sides. Just let people have it out—keeping things private allows them to grow bigger than they have any right to be.

Finally, find somewhere for you to get support. If you are feeling drained, have a chat with a mentor, or a more senior sponsor—you need to focus on yourself before you help others.

This is a tale as old as business—people get too big for their boots, and leaders bicker whilst the rest of the organisation waits awkwardly to see who gets custody of the big decisions. It’s exhausting, but you’re right to want to protect your team from it.

Here’s the reality: You can’t stop the fighting above, but you can control what filters down. Your team doesn’t need the full drama; they need direction. I like to think of it as an umbrella with holes in. Shield them from the storm, but its okay for them to get a few drips on their head so they feel included in the monsoon.

1. Focus on what is clear. Even if leadership is tangled in indecision, there are usually some certainties. Anchor your team in what’s definite and reassure them that while the top of the org debates the unknowns, you’ll keep them focussed on what is in their sphere of control.

2. Be a translator, not a megaphone. Your job isn’t to echo leadership’s uncertainty—it’s to distil it into something your team can work with. If leadership gives you a messy, conflicting update, take a beat before passing it down. What’s the core message? What actually affects your team? That’s what they need to hear.

3. Don’t vent downwards. It’s tempting to say, “I know, they’re driving me crazy too.” But that only breeds frustration and desperation. Instead, acknowledge the challenge, but keep it constructive: “Yes, there’s some back and forth on this, but here’s what we’re focussing on for now.” Recognise that they are frustrated, and hear them when they say it is annoying, but don’t indulge the feeling. I’ve seen situations where entire team meetings are dominated by bitching about the leadership, and ultimately, you’re a leader not a therapist.

4. Control what you can. You may not be able to make leadership move faster, but you can create stability in your own space. Keep team routines strong. Reinforce priorities. Help your team feel aligned, even when the organisation feels adrift.

5. Let someone know that the fighting is having an impact. Whilst its not worth getting caught in the crossfire, you can sensitively let your seniors know that their is an impact stemming from their disagreement. Most of the time, they are great at reading leadership books and posting on LinkedIn, and less good at recognising that their own egos are getting in the way. Try and focus them on the tangibles, but provide a heads-up that you need decisions to move forward, and that they need to engage with them.

Management is hard, and being the umbrella means you get soaked a lot—and then shoved in a stand by the door and forgotten about... so make sure you’re getting the safe space to vent about these issues too. This just doesn’t need to be your team.