At university I called my Mum every single day. One time I told her about a paper I was failing (Greek, I’m terrible at languages), and within an hour my Dad had texted me to ask what I was going to do about improving it. The complete lack of boundaries between them used to drive me mad- why can’t anyone just keep a secret?
Secret-keeping is something that everyone thinks they are good at, and few really are. I was asked at the Christmas party “Who are your favourites?”
My response?
You’d respect me a lot less if I told you.
Of course I have favourites (for future reference, those that cause me the fewest headaches), but the last thing that is appropriate for me in a leadership position is to start sharing that information. Gossip is addictive, we could have sat and had a really good nitty convo about the real super stars and why I like them so much- it would have felt great to get it off my chest, and I’m not even really worried about that information finding its way back to people. But what it would have done is the much bigger issue- it would teach those people that nothing they tell me is private. My biggest tool as a Head of People, or as a manager, is trust- and sharing secrets, mine or others, is a very quick way to make that tool disappear.